Though not a single photo of a Golden Globes red carpet walker has yet appeared, I think it’s fairly safe to make the following predictions.

1. At least one actress/starlet/realitron will confuse the term “Golden Globes” with having an excess of mammary on display. No ladies, these are not the globes for which the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is honouring people. Unless Best Breast Enhancement is a new category. (See last year’s Oscar’s post about how breasts are NOT accessories if this requires, ahem, reinforcement. Brandi Glanville’s dress certainly did.)
2. The red carpet will be woefully bare of anything resembling tasteful jewelled adornment. Oh, sure. There will be the odd pair of shoulder duster earrings, or a discreet borrowed Martin Katz or Lorraine Schwartz diamond bracelet. Nothing that might get someone’s name on tomorrow’s worst dressed list. Nothing that actually indicates style or independent thinking, either.
3. The single actress to actually make effective use of jewellery will be hailed as a style icon. When it comes to this, Elizabeth Taylor throwing on an impromptu selection of Bulgari to a Hollywood pool party is a style icon. Someone who dutifully puts on what her stylist hands her … not so much.

   

4. Any jewels that appear will be borrowed in exchange for the dutiful mention/sales plug of the designer. The days of Marlene Dietrich’s glorious emerald and diamond bracelets, the aforementioned La Liz, Gloria Swanson’s treasure trove … long gone. Why own when you can shill?
5. At the end of the red carpet broadcasts and photos … I will be as disappointed as I was in previous years about the lack of personal style and actual adornment. There will be acres of bare cleavage, unadorned arms and fingers. Given that Hollywood is really not known for doing discreet, why pick the red carpet to practice modesty?

So I will be watching the photos as they appear online, but my expectations are modest, in keeping with what I expect to see tonight.